Networking for People Who Hate Networking
Today’s careers are made and
broken by one’s ability to network.
Please don’t post comments about
how unfair this is — I know that people who are bad at networking think it’s
not fair that the world rewards networking so much. But that’s the way the
world is. You’re not going to change it by whining.
Instead, be giddy: Networking is
actually a lot easier than you think. Here are five reasons why:
1. You don’t
have to be a manipulator.
Networking is about being nice.
It’s about figuring out what someone needs, and determining how to help him get
it. Be aware of what people are trying to accomplish in their lives so that you
can help them reach their goals — either by helping them yourself or putting
them in touch with someone who can help them.
People who are ineffective at
networking think you have to manipulate people to get what you want. These are
the same people who fail at office politics because they don’t understand that office politics is about being nice. Networking is what you
do when you’re doing office politics well.
Networking is about adding value
to peoples’ lives. If you do that as much as you can, people will be happy to
help you. Be generous with your time and energy as well as your contacts.
You should understand what you
have to give, and then look for people who need it. Not only is that the place
where you can add a lot of value, but those are also the people who likely have
skills and connections that you don’t have, so they’ll be able to help you. The
more diverse a group of people you can help, the more diverse the type of help
you can get.
2. You don’t
have to be funny and clever.
The people who are most afraid
of networking think they have to open up a conversation with something really
smart or witty. You don’t have to be either of those. The best way to start a conversation is by being nice.
If you pontificate on your
brilliant ideas you’ll seem smart, but you won’t necessarily connect with
people. And if you tell a lot of jokes you’ll seem funny, but that, also, is
not necessarily inviting more conversation. Being nice, though, makes people
want to talk. By being nice, you’re saying, "I’m safe to talk to. I’ll
listen."
People want to be listened to,
and they want to feel interesting. So you can be good at networking by caring
about other people. And you can’t fake being interested — it’s almost
impossible. That means you have to genuinely care about other people.
The best networkers understand
that everyone is interesting if you ask the right questions. So ask someone an
open-ended question, figure out what they’re interested in, and ask them about
that.
Your job is to discover what you
can learn from people, and you can learn something from everyone. If you really
try, you’ll be genuinely interested in what they have to say.
3. You don’t
have to network when you’re job-hunting.
Don’t talk to me about job
hunters who are networking. Let’s be real: When you need a job, you’re not
networking, you’re calling in favors. You’re asking people for jobs.
Networking is something you do
when you’re feeling great about your work. After all, who wants to network with
someone who either hates her job or doesn’t have one?
This is how networking works to
get a job — you make friends. Real friends. Not like the 46,000
"friends" Barack Obama has on MySpace, but the kind of friends to
whom you’ve revealed something significant about yourself, and who have
revealed something significant about themselves to you.
If you have 30 such people in
your life who have diverse networks of their own, you’ll be able to get a job
when you need one. So focus on making real connections with people instead of
trolling the Internet for jobs. It’s not only a more effective use of your
time, it’s a more fulfilling one.
(Wondering if you’re good at it
this kind of job hunt? Test yourself.)
4. You don’t
have to be agreeable.
Connecting with people doesn’t
mean agreeing with them, it means growing with them. Personal growth is one of
the best things you can get from a relationship. So it’s fine to disagree with
someone you’re getting to know. You send the signal that you’re the type of
person who challenges friends to think more clearly. Just be sure to disagree
in a non-confrontational way.
A couple of weeks ago I met Annalee Newitz,
editor of the book "She’s Such a Geek: Women Write About Science, Technology, and
Other Nerdy Stuff." In the short amount of time we spent together, we
managed to disagree on a lot.
For example, on the question of
whether little girls’ affinity for pink is an issue of nature or nurture (I say
nature). But I liked Annalee. She was easy to talk to and full if energy. That
we could disagree on a wide range of topics means that we both think about the
same wide range of topics.
So don’t assume that networking
requires you to agree with everything someone says. It just requires you to
care about what the person says. Caring is how you make a connection.
5. You don’t
have to get off the sofa.
Here’s a big secret about the
blogosphere: The people who are blogging seriously aren’t college kids writing
about beer parties. In fact, college kids are generally mystified as to why
someone would spend four hours a day writing a blog entry.
That’s because the serious bloggers
are professionals, and they’re investing four hours a day on their blog because
it’s an incredibly effective and efficient networking tool.
If you want to start a blog, here are some quick and easy steps to get started. But most
of you won’t click that link, because blogging is, after all, a big commitment.
Nevertheless, most of you can
leverage the blogosphere to do your networking in a way that never requires you
to leave your computer. Instead, you can comment on other peoples’ blogs.
This is a very effective way to
meet people who wouldn’t normally give you the time of day. For example,
companies like Yahoo! and Sun have thousands of blogging employees, and CEOs of
small startups often blog as well.
Liz
Strauss explains on The
Blog Herald that many bloggers focus primarily on building relationships. So find
people you admire who blog, and start reading their blog every day. Leave
intelligent comments. Most bloggers know the people who leave thoughtful
comments on a regular basis. And bloggers like to help people in their blog
community.
So you can sit on your sofa and
surf all night, typing your opinion on your favorite topics. And after that,
you can call yourself a great networker.
